When I was nine years old, I was convinced that there were radio-active fish swimming in my stomach because I would experience such severe stomach pain that my young and imaginative mind couldn’t comprehend. We were currently travelling a far distance to get to school every day and I remember at a very specific turn, my insides would start panging. The pain was unbearable so my parents decided to take me for an ultra-sound, there were no fish to be seen but years later I have realized that it was actually a swam of anxiety swimming inside of me.
For the most part I remember being a happy child but I constantly struggled with inexplicable and bizarre physical health struggles. Fast forward to a deeper understanding and I see now how the big disconnect between my mind and body has played a huge role in the way I have been navigating through the world. I had no idea that my mental health had been chipping away in many different ways since I was a child and how my body reacted to those states. Such a deep disconnect had me sinking into disillusioned derealisation dazes where I found myself struggling to make sense of my very existence. Something that I have come to learn from such a dismal reality is that the connections with our close ones is what will always keep us warm and afloat. It is the ability to experience empathy and share vulnerability while being held in a moment of time that brings me back to my human form.
