I’ve always struggled with my health. I’ve come to realize it’s very mental. I didn’t understand that as a child. I didn’t know how to make that separation, and it became physical. I recently found out I have a genetic mutation of the mthfr gene. It’s responsible for many mental health issues. I also think my health issues connect to my diet.
In Islamic culture, we celebrate Bakra Eid, which honours when God told Ibrahim to sacrifice his son. Ibrahim willingly followed Allah’s command, but before it happened, Allah presented a lamb instead. We celebrated this at my house when I was seven. When I saw where meat came from, I became a vegetarian. I didn’t tell my parents, and I started getting sick because I wasn’t getting all the nutrients that people get from meat.
My whole life, I have put pressure on myself to be a specific way and have been disappointed that I couldn’t meet my standards. Now, having gotten my diagnosis, I can go back and understand that I was trying my best.
I’ve struggled with self-confidence, but when I had alopecia, it was at its worst. It’s an autoimmune disease where your body attacks your hair follicles, causing your hair to fall out. I think I got it as a trauma response to the people I loved not doing well. I’m the kind of person who says she is always fine. I see how problematic that is – that’s something to unlearn. People I loved were not okay, and I felt the need to be strong for them. My body carried that burden. You can’t lie to yourself because your body will react. Half of my head was bald. I would touch my hair, and clumps would fall out. I got all sorts of treatments. Eventually, I found PRP treatment. They draw blood, process it and reinject your platelet-rich plasma (PRP) back into you. Your body heals itself.
I felt so ashamed when I had alopecia, even though it had nothing to do with me as a person. It’s so funny how you can internalize things to such a personal extent. More than anything, I didn’t want people to worry or pity me. I could only speak about it once my hair grew back, and I couldn’t show people the extent of it. Now that I’m older, it seems ridiculous to have felt so ashamed.
